April 21, 2009

Weaponized Ice Cream

I had scooped out my small dish of ice cream wife brought home the other day and started scooping hers when I hit a depression and a hemisphere of ice cream sailed through the air and hit the floor. One thousand one…one thousand two… what the hell, I just vacuumed the house Saturday.

Guilt got the better of me and I took the corrupted ice cream myself, at least I think I picked the right dish. By the time I got downstairs I took my best guess. We were watching “24” and my mind was consumed with worry whether Jack Bauer was going to die from exposure to the bio-weapon. Surely the writers wouldn’t kill off Jack Bauer, would they? I handed wife the dish in my left hand, hoping it was the un-weaponized ice cream.

I like “24” but Kiefer Sutherland couldn’t act his way out of a wet paper bag. He can’t even get suffering right. If I had to act like I was infected with bio-weapon
goo, I’d like to think I’d do a better job; chew on furniture and foam at the mouth. Kiefer Sutherland just does his funny blink and sweats fake sweat.

I sneak a peek at wife after she had finished her ice cream. No sweat on her forehead or hand tremors. I guess I gave her the right ice cream. By the same token, there weren’t any floory notes on my palate. I guess we were going to be okay. The same can’t be said for Jack Bauer. At the end of “24” Jack Bauer was reduced to a bug eyed, sweating, and trembling mass of a man who still needs to save the United States of America from certain doom.

Kiefer Sutherland looked like he might have eaten some bad ice cream.


  1. I just love your stories. Your perspective on every day moments-- that seem far from mundane when you describe them -- is like no one elses. Ought to package that and make a zillion dollars someday... :-)

  2. Thank you for the follow!

  3. I had forgotten they're still making 24 - it could be weaponized ice cream that keeps Jack going.

    I am gonna tell wife what you did!!!
    hee hee hee

  5. Thank you for stopping by again! I do encourage people to try the book. The sheer amount of copies it's sold I think says a lot. If it was another self-help quick fix, I don't think my instructor would of made it required text for the class either.

    Good luck with it, and don't be afraid to come back to my blog and give me updates on what you take from it.

    Willow runs a great blog, doesn't she? Hehe.

  6. Hi there
    I love the way you write, its very funny, immediate, unpretentious and witty.
    thanks for a good wholesome laugh.
    Happy days